The Truth About Buying a House as a Single Mom
When I bought my house, my cookie lady made me the most beautiful set of housewarming cookies. There were tiny gold keys, little houses, “Home Sweet Home,” and cookies designed to look like the front of my new home.
I remember looking at them and thinking, I did it.
I bought a brand new house. As a single mom.
And almost immediately after feeling proud of myself, another thought crept into my mind.
Now make sure you don’t lose it.
It’s strange how quickly survival mode can turn an accomplishment into another responsibility to protect. I thought buying a home would make me feel financially safe. In many ways, it has given me a level of stability I once desperately wanted. But emotionally, I have realized financial security and feeling financially secure are two completely different things.
I had reached a milestone I once dreamed about, yet my mind was already thinking about mortgage payments, emergency savings, unexpected repairs, and every possible scenario that could threaten what I had built.
Welcome to my brain.
Buying a House Was Supposed to Make Me Feel Safe
For years, I associated money with safety. I don’t think I fully understood that until recently. I thought there would be a magical number in my bank account, a certain income, or a specific accomplishment that would finally allow me to exhale.
Maybe it would be earning more money. Maybe it would be paying off something. Maybe it would be buying a house.
Surely, owning a home would make me feel like I had finally arrived.
Then I bought one.
I walked into a home that belonged to me and my daughters. I had rooms to decorate, a kitchen to make memories in, and a place that represented stability in a way that was deeply emotional for me. I should have felt completely secure.
Instead, part of my brain immediately started preparing for the possibility of losing it.
What if something happens? What if my income changes? What if a major expense comes up? What if I haven’t saved enough?
The questions just kept coming.
That is when I started realizing that I wasn’t only trying to build wealth. I was trying to heal my relationship with financial safety.
Survival Mode Followed Me Into Homeownership
There is a version of me who knows how to survive.
She is actually very good at it.
She knows how to make things happen when there are limited options. She knows how to keep moving when life is uncertain. She knows how to work, plan, calculate, and figure things out. She can carry an uncomfortable amount of responsibility and still find a way to get through the day.
I am grateful for her because she got me here.
But I’m also starting to realize she doesn’t know when to clock out.
Even when the bills are paid, she is checking the next bill. Even when there is money in the account, she is thinking about what could happen to it. Even after buying a home, she is mentally preparing for the possibility that everything could disappear.
For a long time, I thought that was simply being responsible. And to some extent, planning ahead is responsible. As a single mom, I cannot afford to be completely careless with money. I have two little people whose stability matters more to me than anything.
But there is a difference between being financially responsible and being financially afraid.
I’m learning I have spent a lot of time confusing the two.
The Pressure of Being the Safety Net
One of the things I don’t think we talk about enough is the financial pressure that can come with being a single mom.
When you are the person responsible for creating stability, money can feel heavier. A financial decision is rarely just about you. I don’t simply think, Can I afford this? My brain starts calculating how the decision could affect my children, my home, my savings, and my future.
It is probably part of the reason I can spend money on my daughters without thinking twice and then stand in a store debating whether I deserve something for myself.
If my daughters need something, my answer is usually simple.
Of course.
If I want something, suddenly I become a financial analyst.
Do I really need it? Should I save the money? What if something happens next month? Is this irresponsible? Could this money be doing something more productive?
I have realized my relationship with money is not simply about numbers. There is emotion attached to it. There is fear, responsibility, guilt, ambition, and a very deep desire to make sure my daughters always feel safe.
That desire has helped me accomplish a lot.
But I don’t want fear to become my financial advisor.
I Don’t Want My Daughters to Inherit My Fear Around Money
When I think about building wealth, I think about my daughters.
Of course, I want them to inherit assets. I want to build financial stability, create opportunities, and make smart decisions that can positively affect their future. I want them to understand saving, investing, homeownership, and the importance of making their money work for them.
But I have started thinking about something else. What emotional relationship with money am I teaching them?
I don’t want my daughters to believe wanting a beautiful life makes them shallow. I don’t want them to feel guilty every time they buy something for themselves. I also don’t want them to believe looking wealthy and being financially secure are the same thing.
I want them to understand balance.
You can enjoy beautiful things and still invest.
You can buy yourself something you love and still have financial goals.
You can desire more without being ungrateful for what you already have.
And you can build wealth without spending your entire life terrified of losing it.
The problem is, if I want to teach my daughters those things, I have to learn them too.
Funny how motherhood will do that to you.
You start trying to raise your children, and somewhere along the way, you realize God is using the process to raise parts of you too.
Looking Rich and Building Wealth Are Not the Same Thing
The name of this blog is The Rich Mommie, so I should probably explain something.
When I say I want a rich life, I am not only talking about designer jewelry, luxury vacations, or a beautiful house. Do I like beautiful things? Absolutely. I am not going to lie to you for the sake of appearing spiritually or financially superior.
I like nice things.
But I also know a designer bracelet cannot save me from a financial emergency. A beautiful bag cannot create generational wealth. Looking successful on Instagram does not automatically mean someone has a healthy relationship with money.
For me, building wealth means creating options.
It means having an emergency fund so an unexpected expense does not completely destroy my life. It means learning more about investing and understanding where my money is going. It means owning assets. It means making decisions today that my daughters may benefit from years from now.
Most importantly, wealth means freedom. The freedom to make decisions from a place of wisdom instead of desperation. The freedom to leave situations that are unhealthy. The freedom to rest. The freedom to help someone else. The freedom to create experiences with my children. The freedom to choose.
That is the kind of rich I am chasing.
But I Still Check the Bank Account
Now, before anyone thinks I have had some major financial awakening and suddenly float around my house completely at peace, let me be transparent.
I still check my bank account.
Probably more than necessary.
I still calculate things in my head. I still think about worst-case scenarios. I still occasionally feel guilty when I spend money on myself, even when the purchase was planned and I can afford it.
The difference is that I am starting to notice it. I am starting to ask myself whether a financial decision is being driven by wisdom or fear. I am learning that saving money because I have a goal feels different from hoarding money because I am terrified my entire life could fall apart tomorrow.
Those two behaviors can look similar from the outside.
Internally, they feel completely different. One is strategy. The other is survival.
And I am trying to build my financial life from a place of strategy.
Buying My House Was Bigger Than a Closing
When I look at the photo of those housewarming cookies, I see more than cookies.
I see a milestone.
I see the home my daughters will remember. I see bedrooms, birthdays, holidays, ordinary mornings, and probably a million messes I will complain about cleaning. I see a place where my girls can grow.
I also see evidence my life can change.
There were seasons when the life I have now did not feel close. There were times when stability felt like something other people had figured out. Now, I have a key to a home that belongs to my family.
I don’t want to rush past that accomplishment because I’m too busy worrying about the next possible disaster. I want to learn how to protect what I’ve built without being terrified of losing it. Maybe that is the next stage of my wealth journey.
Not simply earning more.
Not buying more.
Not proving more.
Learning how to feel safe in a life I worked incredibly hard to build.
My Definition of a Rich Life Is Changing
I used to think becoming financially secure would happen the moment my circumstances changed. Now, I understand I also have internal work to do.
I want to build savings. I want to invest. I want to create multiple streams of income. I want to own assets and make intelligent financial decisions. I want to leave my daughters more than memories and motivational speeches.
I want to leave them options.
At the same time, I don’t want to spend the next 30 years building wealth while being emotionally incapable of enjoying any of it. I want to sit in my home and feel grateful.
I want to buy myself something beautiful without immediately creating a courtroom in my head to determine whether I deserved it. I want to save because I have a plan, not because I am convinced disaster is always around the corner.
I want to build wealth from a place of abundance, discipline, and wisdom.
Not fear.
So yes, I bought a house as a single mom.
And if I’m being transparent, I am still learning how to feel financially safe.
But maybe admitting that is part of becoming The Rich Mommie.
Because a rich life isn’t only about what you can afford.
It’s also about learning to believe that the life you’ve built doesn’t have to disappear.
With love,
Brie 🤍
A Note From Brie
This post reflects my personal experience and relationship with money, homeownership, and financial security. It is not financial advice. Every family’s financial situation is different, and you should consider your own circumstances when making financial decisions.
